Ethnographic Poem No. 2

Being There with Video

Walking in the city is appropriation,
or a spatial practice acting out of place…

I have taken this poem down because I have submitted it to the journal – heartfelt gratitude to all who helped with feedback.

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13 thoughts on “Ethnographic Poem No. 2

  1. I love the middle two stanzas particularly . . . amazing amazing images, from the people cutting their toenails to the “pastiche mansions,” from the reflected neon to the frogs.

    The first and last stanzas are saying important, valuable things, but rather vaguely and/or abstractly. How can you show those ideas through images or physical/emotional sensations?

    Also, you might want to rethink the stanza or even the line-break structure. What would happen if you wrote it out as prose and then re-wrote it in poetic from following the meaning more than the line-length? If you don’t like it you can always go back to this, and put keep it like it is or put in more rhyme as seems best.

  2. yes and the ability a camera gives us to see we we don’t when we walk through a place – kinda like eyes in the back of your head but the viewing is always in the past….

  3. Very difficult for me to decide which I like the more…both give interesting images, but if I had a gun put to my head, probably the first…there is an ease of reading that engages me primarily, and seems, well…more poetic than the second.

  4. Hello Marousia,
    it’s a grand idea to impose poetry writing on the impressions and sceneries that you meet, walking with big surprised eyes through life around you. You take us by the hand writing down the impressions of what you see and pass, like you do with your photographic travels. And you succeed in this poem to share your world of pictures with us.
    I agree with the comment of Kris.
    Another point of consideration. When translating these impressions into poetry, change the “I” form – I leave, I walk, I pick, etcetera into a more neutral form, to strengthen the readers feeling that is is he/she who is walking, seeing, picking, not you. So that it is me who gets involved. For example:
    the camera is pointing where there is no face on the third finger to poach places…. Or, pick the way along the sidewalk. Or, walking beside bustling highway lanes.
    With love – Edjo.

  5. Whatever you do, don’t take any advice too seriously, particularly not mine! Keep reading what you like, and revising to meet your evolving ideal poem.
    Thanks for listening to us all.

    • 🙂 Ah, I have set myself a tricky task – this poem will be submitted to journal called Anthropology and Humanism. I really appreciate everyone’s advice – it has really helped me to make this poem better.

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